Apart

Sunday, 11 October 2009
Only occasionally I feel sad living on the West Coast away from my family and my husband. But for me, writing is cheap therapy - so please hang in there while I express myself this evening. Living apart from Kingsley is very difficult. This is what it's like seeing the one you love once every three months for more than a year and a half:

You don't think about the meal you'll share together or the bottle of wine you might open together, you think, "Do I really have to cook food tonight or do I have cereal left?"

When you get up in the middle of the night for a glass of water, you come back to a cold bed.

If something wonderful happens during the day, you can't call and share the triumph immediately, you have to wait five hours until he wakes up (in London time) and that's if you still remember.

When there are free tickets at work to a play or baseball game, you have to steel yourself to go solo.

Sunday nights are lonely.

There's no one to hug or hold hands with.

Going to a laundry mat by yourself is tough because the basket is heavy and there's no one there to hold the door for you.

When your partner is sick, there's nothing you can do except hopelessly watch them on Skype lay on the couch and try to sip a cup of tea.

You look over your gorgeous wedding gifts and wish you could open them and share them with your husband. It's not much fun to use them by yourself.

Finally, your wedding album arrives and you long to pore over the pictures with him and laugh about funny family shots and the details of the day.

I've always been an independent woman. My life story has played out as I'd hoped. I didn't want to be a young bride, and I waited until 29 to get hitched. I enjoyed almost 11 years as a single gal, living how I wanted to live, doing what I wanted to do but now that I've made the commitment to be with another person, I'm ready. Being single has so many advantages but as the above snippets show, it is also lonely. Plus, as a single women, there's always the option of dating. Kingsley and I can only "date" through Skype.

This challenge will pass but instead of pretending to be strong and plastic, I wanted to share a bit of my struggle. While I write this, I understand my problems pale in comparison to others' tragedies. Life is still very good most of the time for me and I am thankful for the many wonderful things I experience daily through friendships, family and work.

No, we do not know when we'll be together for sure. We're still moving forward with the Visa process and believe we'll get some good news soon on being together!

4 comments

Anonymous said...

We will be together i promise x

Tina Lane said...

What a touching post. It can't be easy. The good news is there will come a day when you won't remember what a cold bed feels like.

Michiel Tjitze Willems said...

I really liked reading this Denae. It genuinely touched me, especially the 'when you get up in the middle of the night, you come back to a cold bed' and 'Sunday nights are lonely'. I can imagine, very much, you miss the affection, the hug, the arm around you, the laughter about small issues and daily things, but like you wrote yourself, see it as a challenge and you'll overcome it. It might take some time, it might take some effort, but the sun will shine before you know. If your love for Kings is strong enough and he loves you back just as much, which I absolutely believe, then this issue will be laughed at in 5 or 10 years. It might seem to drag on forever now and the weekends can be long and your lover is missed, but everything ends at some point, also this period. Keep believing in each other and once you get over this, at least you can say you guys have really survived the test of being thousands of miles apart while your love for each other has not decreased, your trust in each other has not diminished and your belief in each other has only grown.

Florida Girl Meets the Midwest said...

I just wrote a post about love/relationships and I am linking back to this one. I hope you don't mind. I think you have a beautiful true life love story.