Having A Moment

Wednesday, 14 October 2009
I couldn't fall asleep until 6:30 a.m. this morning (insomnia yuck) and when I woke up, I was in a baaaad mooooood.  So, what did I do?  The only thing any other reasonable, tired and cranky woman would do, I phoned my husband on Skype and picked a fight.

How dare he not know exactly what to say to make the moment better NOW and to respond exactly in the way I wanted (even though I wasn't sure what I wanted) NOW?

The best way to get this going, is to select a subject that you both feel passionate about.  Throw in irrational reaction, emotion and a dash of heavy sighing and BAM you've got it going on.

Will he ever forgive me?

I am passionate.  You really can't bend or break me unless the storm rages for at least two seasons.  My plan of action is to pull out the umbrella and say, "Well, we just need to walk faster and catch the bus."  BUT.  In rare instances which creep up on me slightly, the bark will split and the sapling comes down.  I'm left standing in a downpour hopelessly searching for cover.

It is not my nature to yell or curse or call names or throw things but I will not let up on being a downer, it seems, until the other person (the poor hubs) seems to "grasp" the grimness of the situation (do you hate it when you make things out to be worse than they really are?).  When I feel I have expressed myself (and possibly he is feeling bad) then the clouds start to break.

We're still learning how to be newly-weds (while miles apart) but I hope one day he is able to somewhat shrug off my breaks  in "strength" and I want to learn how to express myself in a way that doesn't bring him down but still counts as communication.

Maybe we can head back to Barcelona or something.  I didn't have insomnia on that trip.  :)


LizP said...

If we can't be our true authentic selves with our spouses then what? :-) Dr. Phil says something akin to our spouses being a "soft place to land". Hopefully yours knows you well enough to know that the storm passes. However, after 7 years I am not sure that mine knows to stay away when I have PMS ;-)

Anonymous said...

you are my angel and we can get through anything i love you x

Ted Stryk said...

Wow, the state department is a real piece of work. I hope everything gets settled really soon. I can't even imagine what this must be like.

Michiel Tjitze Willems said...

Nicely written. Very honest and open.
you are not a quitter, nor made of stone. That is a great combination. You are positive but also realistic and sometimes it's good to let it all out and say what you think and feel.

Send my regards to Kings, and lots of love

LizP said...

It was great to finally meet you in person at the B2B Expo this afternoon! Thomas & I want you to know that if you ever need to escape from things and get enveloped in the chaos of our crazy family PLEASE call us and we would love to have you over. Or you could drag Thomas & Jonah up Spencer Butte :-) I'll stay home and make dinner!

Denae said...

Michiel - thanks for the encouragement. I'm missing you!

LizP - thank you for introducing yourself. So great to meet you and I might take you up on the offer to come over and hang. :)

Anonymous said...

My husband will have my undying respect for putting up with the big bag of craaaaaaaaaaaazy that was pregnant me.

Don't you just love husbands?