Oprah Interviews Child Molesters

I am not an Oprah fan but I found her candid interview with four child molesters informing. (My friend Samira mentioned it on FB.)  Possibly parents, grandparents, caretakers, teachers and coaches can learn something from what the convicts had to say.

Since you likely do not have two hours to watch the interview (which gets boring and sensational in some places), I took notes to pass along.  However, if you would like to see it in its entirety, my news station has posted it on the website:  Just click here.

Offender 1 molested a five year old girl when he was in his 60s.  He said he was very close to her and she even called him "grandpa."  He helped her with her homework and spent more time with her than he did with the adults when they were around.  He says he did a lot of "babysitting" for the parents and since his wife had severe Cancer, she wasn't always around.  He finally got caught when the mother walked in just after he performed oral sex on the victim.  After he got out of prison, he molested a seven year old girl who lived in his neighborhood.  He invited her into his RV one afternoon to play his computer.  She was fond of the Disney computer game and that was the hook.  Offender 1 says he thought he was just bringing pleasure to the victim.

TAKEAWAY:  With the five year old, the man was spending more time alone with the little girl than with the adults.  That is a warning sign.  Victims are molested by people they know 90% of the time.  The second victim was out roaming a neighborhood alone and felt comfortable enough to be lured into a stranger's RV. 

Offender 2 molested his own daughter.  He says he began fantasizing about her when she turned 12.  He was estranged from her mother and she would come to stay with him because of shared custody.  He had her sleep in his bedroom and while she was "asleep" he would molest her.  His daughter told her mother what was happening and the Offender convinced the mother she was lying.  She asked him to stop but he repeated the abuse over 2 months.  He admits he looked at pornography every day, several times a day since his teenage years and thought it was perfectly normal.  Offender 2 says he thought what he was doing to his daughter made her feel good.

TAKEAWAY:  The mom did not believe the daughter when she reported the abuse.  Why not?  The daughter was made to stay with the father and abused on a higher level for another two months.   This offender says he never understood sexual addiction and thought his repeated masterbation to "barely legal" pornography was normal.  Perhaps, culturally, pornography shouldn't be something we make light of and joke about.

Offender 3 molested a younger family member for 12 years.  He says he started abusing her when she was five and he was eight.  He saw her naked when she was five and began a game called "playing doctor" with her.  That progressed to him raping her when she was 11 and he was 14.  He was able to control and manipulate the little girl, he says, because no one paid attention to her and he was the only one she had.  When she would try to get away from the abuse, he would ignore her and withdraw attention which would draw her back in and she would allow him to abuse her.  He says she never consented.  Once her mother walked into the bedroom when the offender was getting out of bed from molesting her.  He explained they were playing but the little girl told the truth.  The mother confronted him the next day and he lied his way out of it.  Nothing really happened.  The abuse continued for years after that.  Offender 3 said, "I was able to molest my victim because she was severely neglected."

TAKEAWAY:  If parents, teachers, caretakers, aunts and uncles do not pay attention to their children, someone else will.  Children thrive on attention and if they cannot get positive attention, they'll settle for negative attention.  Did anyone notice that this little girl was withdrawn, upset, scared?  Why didn't the mother push to protect her daughter?  Why didn't she believe her daughter when she told on the offender?  She could have prevented the rape and the abuse that went on for another 6 years.

Offender 4 raped three victims.  His first victims were 17 and 16.  After he got out of prison for the first two rapes, he raped a 15 year old.  He says his victims were "Just angry.  They were angry with their parents."  He was able to manipulate them because of their vulnerability.  The 16 year old he raped was a runaway.  This guy didn't seem very bright at all...none of the offenders did. 

TAKEAWAY:  Offender 4 says he was able to convince his first vicitm to go down to the river with him where he could rape her without anyone overhearing them.  His victims trusted him and he took advantage of that. 

OVERALL TAKEAWAY:   I was shocked to see the sense of entitlement these men seemed to have.  Most molestations began after elaborate fantasies.  At a certain point, the men just decided they had to have the victim.  They knew they could control the victim and they did.  Simple as that.  Oprah asked why some got to the point where they thought it was okay to abuse.  None of them even thought about the abuse as being "wrong" they just didn't care about anything other than the payoff. 

Ours is still a male-dominated culture.  Some men are raised (possibly inadvertently these days) to believe they are powerful and can/should control women.  The churches I went to preached that often, "For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything." Ephesians 5:23-24  Boys raised in families where women and girls are regarded as objects or secondary within the family circle believe they have power.  Clearly not everyone that grows up this way will be an abuser but sexism is also hurtful to the progress of our society.

Many of the offenders said they thought they were pleasuring their victims.  How could they EVER have gotten that idea?  Possibly because our culture propagates that men are sexual beings, gods and desirable by all women. When in reality, the men Oprah talked to were ugly, selfish and sick. 

Why not peacefully protest sexist television shows, sexist jokes, sexist fundamentalist religion and sexist politics?  It's okay to not laugh when someone tells a joke about pornography.  It's okay to delete emails that make you feel small.  How about taking it one step further by being honest when something offends you?

The men Oprah interviewed had jobs, families and were professional charmers.  In most cases no one noticed anything was going on until the men were caught in the act.

**A gripe:  Oprah said over and over and over, "Well, if you're a good molester the act might feel good to the victim, what about then?  Is that still wrong?"  I found that to be horribly offensive.  The victims did not consent to the act.  They were forced against their will to endure something unsolicited.  There is no such thing as a "good molester."

This is another resource from Oprah's website entitled "Traits of a Sex Offender:"  http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Traits-of-a-Sex-Offender

Update on Violet

Every morning I wake up and open the blinds for Violet so she can look out and watch over the birds and squirrels.  She loves to go outside and look around from the steps of my apartment.  Even though she is micro-chipped, I'm not quite ready to let her roam around the neighborhood.  Indoors, she loves to get explore and even squeeze under the dresser.

She batted her tiny mouse, golf ball and basketball under the furniture and somehow wedged herself in the four inches of space to get to her "prey."

It was hilarious to see her twist and turn her way out.  I do love having a pet.  They are such entertainment!  Consider adopting, fostering or rescuing an animal.  The time and money is worth it.

Island Life

One of my favorite parts of our mini-tour of the Yucatan Peninsula was Isla Mujeres.  It has a small, village feel and is much more authentic than the resort area of Cancun.  The island is only four miles long and boasts a coral reef, an ancient Mayan structure and fabulous restaurants serving fresh seafood.  

We were daring and rented a scooter for the day for just $20.  I'd recommend doing this so you don't have to  pay taxi fees and you can feel the island breeze on your skin while touring.  If you'd rather not chance your life among the native shooter drivers, you can rent a golf cart to get from one end of the island to the other.  Helmets are mandatory.

While researching the Cancun area, I read about Isla Mujeres and the temple constructed on the Eastern tip to Ixchel, the goddess of fertility.  History says Mayan women would trek to the Eastern point of the peninsula and then paddle alone in a kayak all the way to the island.  They would then walk to the temple to worship.  This was a sort of pilgrimage for women of child-bearing age.  The structure was damaged by a hurricane in 2003 but restored a few years later.  It was truly awesome to stand on the cliff overlooking the ocean and contemplate the journey to the spot that so many women had made before me.

The island is extremely laid back and we spent time at the free beach, Playa Lagunas.  Kingsley chilled in a hammock, we both swam in the sea and I admired the Palm trees and privacy.

Travelers to the island are bombarded with people trying to get you to sign up for tours as soon as you leave the ferry.  They are shouting about snorkeling, renting scooters and going to the "park" on the island.  The Garrafon National Park, while pretty, is a rip-off (in my opinion).  Each person is asked to pay $70 to enjoy the blue waters in the park.   

If you go to Isla Mujeres, don't leave without going through the graveyard.  It is bizarre but beautiful.  All graves are above-ground, fashioned as tombs.  Each has it's own style and they are painted in bright colors.  We walked along the over-grown paths quietly observing how different family members honored their deceased loved ones.

They Have Iguanas instead of Squirrels

In Mexico, we loved watching for iguanas.  They were everywhere.  If you weren't careful, you could step on one since they blend into the greenery and rocks.  These silly-looking LARGE lizards liked to sun themselves (they are cold-blooded and do so to stay warm) while watching us through beady little eyes.  

Kingsley crept up to one to get a picture and it whipped it's head around making him jump and run for cover.  Hilarious!

These little guys are native to Mexico and can grow to be over four feet long.  The Wild Ones says iguanas have long, almost sharp tails.  If an iguana feels threatened, it might snap its tail in the air as a defense mechanism.   

The first day in Cancun, we were walking out of the pool area and I asked one of the staff members if they ever see iguanas on the grounds.  He grinned at me and motioned to the ground.  This one was sitting there with a sober look on it's face.  They can be a bit intimidating but they are so interesting to watch.

Costa Rica has introduced a conservation project to teach people how to raise lizards for food on "farms"  rather than hunting a dwindling population in the wild.  They are a source of meat for many in South America and the Mayan in Mexico.

Video Clips of Paradise

Kingsley and I agree our trip to Mexico was one of the best vacations we've ever had.  The Gran Melia Resort was luxurious with impecable service.  Our weather was sunny and warm and the cultural aspects of Tulum and La Isla Mujeres were memorable.  Throughout the week, I took a few video clips so you could experience some of the things we did. 

Music is an important part of the Mexican culture and our first night at Los Rancheros we enjoyed a Mariachi Band.



On La Isla Mujeres, we ate at a lovely resturant with a cheesy name, Cocktaileria.  The place is directly on the water and they serve fresh fish and lobsters the fishermen catch daily.  We even watched some of them mend their nets under the palm trees on the white sand.  Here's a sampling of the live music from the restaurant.



The Gran Melia has "green" decor thoughout with vines hanging from every floor.  The main lobby is peaceful and naturesque with Koi ponds dotting the floor.



One evening Kingsley and I went to the luxury shopping center on the lagoon (Cancun is like Vegas when it comes to Consumerism).  We took a walk along the water and he spotted a tiny jelly fish as well as other wildlife in the water.  I love that he admires living things as much as I do.



Our trip to La Isla Mujeres was filled with new experiences (we rented a scooter) and fascinating discoveries such as the Mayan altar dedicated to Ixchel (goddess of fertility).

Movies that move us

With Oscar nominations announced this morning, I started thinking about top 2009 flicks. 

My picks:  Precious for the intense drama and excellent acting by both Mo'Nique and Gabourey Sidibe.  The plot tackles both racism and poverty. 



For comedy, my favorite was Hangover.  I cringe while typing that because I deplore the college slap-stick humor genre but the movie was not what you'd expect.  The cast gels to create a whirlwind of on-the-edge-of-your-seat suspense which sets you up for laugher every time.  Sure, there were parts I hated but I'm picky like that.  If you haven't seen it, rent it and watch with friends and a microbrew.



Biggest surprise:  District 9.  I liked it.  The concept was different and if you've spent any time in South Africa, the plot makes you uncomfortable because the alien shanty towns represent the shanty towns in place now.  The "white" government leaders walk around in an ignorant haze and the aliens are persecuted.  The movie appeals to a wide audience (action, sci-fi, romance fans) and then weaves the subtle struggle of discrimination throughout.  The special effects are also fab.



Coolest extras:  State of Play (Reporter #5).  Haaaa!  Couldn't help myself...but really, if you haven't seen this political thriller, it's pretty good.  There's a wicked twist in the end that still has me shaking my head.



Worst movie of the year:  Night at the Museum II.  I watched this on the plane coming back from London because there were no other choices.  Half way through I had to restrain myself from gouging my eye with a plastic spoon.  Wow.  The onscreen chemistry between Ben Stiller and the Amelia character was as dry as a paper cut.  Really, there's only so many scenes one can sit through of characters dumbly racing around a musuem before it becomes incredibly boring.



Movies I still want to see:  Sherlock Holmes (yes, I may have a slight crush on Robert Downey Jr. and I like Guy Ritchie's style ), Food Inc. (documentary on corporations and the behind the scenes control on the food industry) and The Cove (documentary on dolphin killing in Japan).







Movies that may be good but I haven't seen and probably won't:  Inglorious Bastards (excellent director) and Avatar (3-D!).

Give me your faves and tell me why my picks are good or bad.

Reading Helps

The bad thing about going to Mexico:  it takes 2 days to get back to the upper Western corner of the U.S.  The good thing about going to Mexico:  you can read an armful of books while waiting on the plane and in airports for two days.

I bought and finished the memoir Dewey, The Small-town Library Cat Who Changed the World and now I'm half way through My Life in France by Julia Child (which is excellent).

If you are an animal lover, the story about Dewey the cat will make you laugh, cry and will inspire you.  The book is not only about a loving cat (first dumped in the library's book return as a kitten) and his impact on the elderly, children, disabled and homeless library patrons but about the struggles of a small Midwestern town.

The book is set in Iowa and narrated by the library director who struggled through bouts of Cancer, the death of her mother and her long divorce from her alcoholic husband. 

This quick read truly made me love animals even more and I cannot wait to have my own rescue zoo full of birds, fish, cats, dogs and perhaps chickens.  (Great time to roll your eyes here.)   It was also fantastic to see how Dewey tended to children who were paralyzed and loved on them by jumping up on to their wheelchair trays to just sit and purr.  Service dogs are also very good at making disabled children feel comfortable and I think using our companion animals to bring happiness to others is a nobel endeavor.

The other fabulous book I purchased (you know I'd rather buy books from thrift stores) is Julia Child's memoir from her time in France.  When I write my book I want to model my prose after hers.  Her words are easy to follow but wonderfully descriptive and makes the reader feel as if we're sitting there with her.