SnOMG

Monday, 10 January 2011
This is my creation. I hope it doesn't give you nightmares.

Here's this news gal's take on snow fall and the hysteria that surrounds it in Knoxville, Tennessee. (Please note, this is tongue-in-cheek.)

It starts like this:

JD - Hi. I'm meteorologist Jane Doe and we may have a few flurries on Friday.
MJ - Myrtle, she just said it is going to snow!
MJ - Marvin, we don't have any extra gallons of milk. We need to get to the store!!
MJ - Myrtle, we better go NOW before things get too bad out there.

Grocery store owners see dollar signs and rearrange stores so that the shovels, de-icer, bottles of water, generators, logs, batteries, flashlights, rope, toilet paper, milk, bread and eggs are all front and center. I wonder if some even take half of the gallons of milk off the shelves to spur anxiety over the fear of "NO MILK!?!?!?"

People stock up on groceries and candles and go home to see what happens. On Friday, as meteorologist Doe predicted, there is a dusting of snow. Myrtle and Marvin wake up, look outside and inhale sharply.

MJ - Myrtle, it snowed!
MJ - What, Marvin? Is that snow on the ground??
MJ - Myrtle, I'm telling you, it snowed.
MJ - Well, Marvin do you have the candles good and ready in case the power goes out?
MJ - Yes, Myrtle, but we better not use much milk in case we run out.
MJ - Be careful shoveling the walk, Marvin. I doubt the ambulances could even get to us if you fall.

News teams gear up to report live starting at 2 a.m. Here's yours truly in several layers going live from a location with some snow on the ground. On the air, reporters usually give their live locations so if you really needed to find them, you could. Which kicks off the next phase of snow hysteria. Road crews.

I think road foremans may watch the news stations and send trucks to the location of the reporters. What looks better than a fresh, shiny snow plow barreling through behind a live shot spreading salt and making sure that dusting on the road doesn't cause any problems? And you better believe a reporter that doesn't have much snow to talk about will nearly stop, drop and roll with excitement when a snow plow scrapes through on live TV. (I admit it. I love it.)

MJ - Marvin! Look at the T-V. Did you see that? Those salt trucks are out workin'. It must be really bad.
MJ - Myrtle, I told you not to use the milk! We could run out in this severe weather.

Phase three of snow hysteria: snow lovers who don't want to go to work. They do NOT want to hear a news reporter say, "It's not that bad out here." They want to hear people ranting about dangerous conditions and repeating like a mantra, "Stay home today if you can. Do not get out if at all possible." This way, the boss or school superintendent will also see the news and be forced to cancel school in order to be safe.

I worked in Cincinnati, Ohio as a morning reporter for 3 years. Three years of standing outside by the Ohio River in -10F with a half foot of snow on the ground. My photographer during that time, Rambo, had to convince me to buy "sensible shoes" and dress in layers. I spent years going live from a dwindling salt pile... Schools would still be in session and grandmas would run you off the road if you slowed to 40 mph on a highway. That was serious stuff. I can't imagine working in the true North East.

And my favorite part of snow hysteria this year -- hashtags on Twitter.

#snOMG
#snowmaggedon
#snowpoclypse
#snowbliteration
#snoWTH?

How's your winter treating you?

3 comments

Jessica (Hey Lola) said...

I love your snowman! Also...Everytime severe weather is predicted around here, I do start obsessing over whether or not we have enough emergency supplies. Mainly because the one time we did get hit by a severe snowstorm, we had a box of waffles in the house. That's it. It wasn't pretty.

Denae said...

Hey Lola! I still get compliments on the flower you custom-designed for me. I sent my friend Jen to your website.

Chris F. said...

I worked in grocery stores for years, so I know this from experience. I regret missing the big snow since I was in Texas. But loved the blog about it.