The Janitor's Closet

Friday, 19 August 2011
I knew something was wrong when I pulled out my schedule, noticed my stats class was in room 420 and I ended up standing in front of the "Custodian" closet (room 420a) in the Communications building. Wow. I almost gave up then and there.

Wednesday wasn't the best day ever. I sat outside, alone on a bench and stared at the grass for a half hour. My thoughts were negative. They went something like this: "I'm not smart enough to do this. I'm definitely the dumbest person in my cohort. Why did I quit my fabulous job at Channel 6? Can I get my fabulous job at Channel 6 back? Do my professors already hate me because they know I'm just faking being smart..?" I called my mom and expressed my fears. She laughed and said to take a few deep breaths before going to drop my candidacy all together.

I hung up and looked around. Other students seemed much younger and much more confident. I did the deep breathing thing and shortly after that, the University of Tennessee marching band started practicing in the distance. That's when high energy seemed to return. I'm a student at a large university which is working to be a top 25 research school. These people are smart. They wouldn't have let me into the Ph.D program if they didn't believe I had a decent shot at it.

Thursday was better. I observed a class at 8am, taught by a second year Ph.D student. We have the same 200 level class to teach so I was able to get an idea of how the labs are supposed to go. Statistics wasn't as bad as I thought because the professor, while tough, is excellent at explaining the reasoning. Today I picked up my office key! I'm officially in.

Hope you have a great weekend!

1 comment

Chris F. said...

I was having the same jitters two years ago when I enrolled at Carson-Newman. I was 33, fitting back into the college environment for the first time in over a decade (although I had taken other classes in graphic design and paralegal studies around 2000-2004.) The first week or two is always rough. Keep your head up and surge forward. You are being set on this path because it will enable you to maximize your potential and talents that the news business won't tap into. I will pray for you in your current and future endeavors.